A Huntin' Man Who's Pretty Bad at Huntin' Deer

Conversation recently between the Hubs (AKA, Orvis Lover, AKA, Dad of 5, AKA, Huntin' Man) and me.  

Subject: Hunting with guns.

Dad of 5: I'm thinking about getting another gun.

Me: You already have one. What would you do with another?

Dad of 5:  Hunt more.

Now just to fill you in a bit.  In the years my husband and I have been together (and that's a long ass time now) we have been anti-guns in our home while raising our kids.  We didn't care what others did in their homes, it just wasn't happening in ours.  My husband was also very much against hunting, period.  When we built our home out in the country in Vermont he was the first to venture out on our 80 acres of land to post NO HUNTING signs, everywhere.

Years have past and our little boys are now big boys and Orvis Lover's tune has changed...

Me: Hunt more?

Dad of 5: Yea, you know, now that the boys are grown and I'm not coaching their sport's teams anymore I'd like to do something sporty myself. Something useful.

Me: And strutting around with a gun, stalking and shooting animals is something useful.

Dad of 5: First of all I don't strut. Ever. And second.....second....

Me: I'm listening...

Dad of 5: Even if I do want to hang a deer, bear or moose head on the wall, I still plan to eat what I hunt.

Me: A) I am not chewing and swallowing deer, bear or moose and B) Don't even think anyone's head is hanging on our walls and C) You've never ever even shot a deer. Only beavers.

Dad of 5: I still want another gun.

The Huntin' Man with his beaver, cause he's Pretty Bad at Huntin' Deer

Here's what I say

Period.

Sign on our Vermont property

The Huntin' Man even made a cabinet for his gun. Extra bolted.

Today's Alphabet Game has us to the letter I, and in honor of my husband's new love for hunting, I did some research.  I suggested to the hubs he pack it up and head to Indonesia to hang with the Lembata Islanders and hunt Sperm Whale.  Sounds like a good time and probably pretty tasty, too. 

The Game of Truth or Dare. And Giraffes.

My eleven year old middle school daughter and I were having a conversation the other day about games and one game in particular became the topic of discussion. A party game we all know as Truth or Dare.

My daughter:  Um, I've also played this game called Truth or Dare.

Me: Uh huh. Where, why and with whom?

My daughter:  Just with friends, you know, sleepovers Mom.

Me:  Uh huh.  Oh I've been to sleepovers in my day. And I've played Truth or Dare maybe five, or 65 times in my life.  Well that's a fun game don't you think sweetie?

My daughter:  Mom.  Ew.  I guess if you like giving out your biggest secret about a major crush you have on the hottest eighth grade boy in the school or if you think it's really super cool to be double dared to prank call the Pope.

Note to self:  Sign up tomorrow morning at daughter's middle school as room parent and cafeteria mom. Also call Pope to apologize.


I can still vividly recall some of the naughty but awesome Truth or Dare questions asked during my middle school sleepover days.


Paula Truth or Dare?

Me:  Truth.

Name one celebrity you desperately want to make out with.

Me:  I can only name one, I mean I can easily spout off three, or seven if you'd let me?

Just one.

Me: Andy Gibb.  Yep, hairy chested Andy.  He's right up there at the top of my list.

Paula Truth or Dare?

Me: Dare. *sniff*

Go jump in the pool, fart, and announce to the world as loud as you can, "I cut the cheese!"


Yes, those were the good ol' days my friends.


Letter G today folks for our Alphabet Game.  And I've got the perfect G.  I've always been excited about Giraffes.  I've loved them at the zoo and even Melman in my kids Madagascar movies.

 I'm thinking Giraffe Sex.

Giraffes may be awkward but they're quick, y'all.

The Top 10 Things To Do Now That You're 21

Note y'all: OK, so this is the blog post that was posted for one day and then somehow was accidentally deleted where in my last blog post about strange things I say I was all, "Oh. My. Fucking. God. I just accidentally deleted my blog post for the second fucking time in a row!" Remember that one? Yea, so bing, I got it back! Some of you have probably already read this nonsense but some of you people missed out - so lucky for you, I got it back.

So there's that.

One of our sons just celebrated his birthday a few days ago and it happened to be his 21st - THE BIG ONE.  I remember my 21st celebration as if it were yesterday.  Well sorta, it's a bit fuzzy around the edges but seems all I really can recall from that glorious night was shouting the words, Get In Line, over and over again, but you get my drift.  It's a big night and a big deal for the birthday guy or gal.

So with our son Phillip (who is a good mama's boy) we partied it up at our local Five Guys ('cause Johnny Rockets had a half hour wait out the door) then returned home to open what he really wanted to get his hands on (no, we didn't hire Jamie Chung to jump out of his birthday cake. Sorry Phil).

Yes we are eating every one of those damn fries. It's Phil's 21st birthday! 

This is all I really care about

 Really. Fun was had by all, he's finally 21 and today's another day. Onward.

Then in honor of Phil turning 21 I got to thinking...(scary, I know)

The Top 10 Things To Do Now That You're 21

1. You wake in the afternoon on your 21st birthday and are feeling a little thirsty. Go on. A good Bloody Mary never hurt anyone. Plus you're totally legal.

2. After a few Bloody Mary's and a good cold shower you decide to get that tattoo you've always wanted (And be sure to choose something other than a sexy pirate or the letters M.O.M.)

3. Next up - Skydiving. Live life on the edge. Afterwards be sure to call your Mom to let her know you're OK and you didn't fall 5,000 feet to your death.

4. Hire a limo to chauffeur you and your friends around on your special night. You're paying. Your friends will love you. Party it up!

5. Make sure one of your friends brings a camera so they can capture all the stupid things you will surely do on your big night. Or not.

6. Have the limo stop at a liquor store along the way and you run in and buy something. Because you can.

7. Go to a bar. Any bar, just find one. Order a round of drinks for all. You are AWESOME.

8. After several Peach Schnapps and Whiskey shots you feel like showing off your fresh tattoo and dancing. On the table. Do it. You look great. Everybody looks great!

9. Casino! You're feeling lucky tonight (No, not that lucky - loser) Be daring. (*Note to self: Gambling is immoral and should be abolished*)  "Hit Me!"

10. As the sun is rising you are getting a bit hungry and you know what that means....Denny's for breakfast! OK, so maybe this is not your first time at a Denny's watching the sun rise with a group of hung-over delightful friends, but you are hungry. So eat. And Happy 21 to you.

So in my last blog post we played Disney Trivia and it looks like we have a winner! Yay to *Anonymous* whoever the hell you are....Anyway, So since you had all your answers correct, and you certainly appear to have your Disney shit together, the surprise for this blog post is....more Disney!

OK so multiple choice y'all. What do you think we should do with Alice? That girl's a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Silly Alice. She's lost her way, again

My Bucket List and the Letter C

There comes a time in your life when you stop and reflect on things you've accomplished and things you still want to accomplish before, you know, kicking the bucket, as they say. They call it a Bucket List. A list of things to do before you croak. Anyone can write up their list at any time, any age. So, I got to thinking today about my list and all and after about five hours of deep pondering and five glasses of a crisp, fruity Chardonnay, I now have a list. And who better to share it with than y'all...

Paula's Bucket List in no particular order  (January 23, 2013)

1. Party at a hookah lounge wearing my bright orange spandex leisure suit
2. Bathe in a tub full of marshmallows
3. Overcome my fear of rabbits
4. Kiss someone that's Greek (really, really want this)
5. Do the Watermelon Crawl
6. Have sex in a rowboat.  Oh wait.  Check that one.  Mission accomplished
6. Run with big bulls in Spain
7. Learn to Tango while sober, in Buenos Aires
8. Master the Scorpion Yoga pose without injuring myself or others
9. Hike Japan's "Sea of Trees" forest in the winter
10. Join the Mile High Club, even though I don't do planes
11. Go swimming with penguins, naked
12. Chase a twister in the rain
13. Make out in Tuscany on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh no, that wouldn't work.  Check
13. Make out in Tuscany
14. Walk on hot coals while singing This is Why I'm Hot
15. Party with Ellen DeGeneres since I can't with Mother Teresa

I love my list.

And now, moving along to our alphabet game.  Letter C.  I gave this a lot of thought and the first thing that came to mind were Cats.  I adore cats and I found some very gnarly, creepy cats, but kinda cute in their own way, to share.

This guy appears to have eaten one to many birds

This cutie forgot to get dressed this morning

A face only a mother could love

This one's kinda cute if your into the alien look



And now onto the good part. C also stands for Celebs. Hot Hunk Celebs in Speedos. You'll thank me for this.

David Beckham - Tattoos are a good thing

Hugh Jackman - Are you all dried off, everywhere?

Russell Brand - He's really feelin' it, y'all

Bimbos, brain farts and blogs, oh my

So my day today was errands.  Mom errands.  Errands, and errands. Though I did squeeze in a much needed, relaxing mani/pedi, which was, sorta relaxing, if I had turned off my phone. Four minutes after arriving at the spa I get a ding from one of my kids texting to ask if I had finished off all the Nutella. Me? Silly boy. I don't do Nutella. He texted me back five minutes later, happy as a lark, letting me know he had found it. In my bedroom. Under my pillow.

Ten minutes pass and I'm in my pedi chair, eyes closed, vibrating, chanting my mantra...Nutella, Nutella, Nu....Ding.  Damn cell phone interruptus.  Another text, from another kid that reads - Yo Ma, about the dog....he's in the backyard scooching along on his ass and foaming at the mouth.  Should you be concerned?

Phone OFF.

And then interestingly enough, my nail tech and I got on the subject of Brain Farts, had a good laugh, and that certainly brightened my mood.  Helped me forget about my dog for awhile anyway.

OK so I totally got off the subject of where I was going with this today.  How does that happen?  Anyway, this is gonna be a short quickie.  I love a quickie. They're all not much talk and so impersonal. The perfect boost for anyone's day, really.

OK so I wanna play my end of the blog alphabet game and I just know you do too.  Let's play!

We're up to the letter B.  And as I proudly learned in grammar school, B is for Bitches.  Still so proud of that, thank you to my south Floridan school teachers. However, best to avoid that subject here today as I don't want to throw out any names if you know what I mean (and I do have names all written down on paper, under my pillow).  Moving on.  How about B is for beef bologna.  Cool, yeah, Oscar Myers beef bologna. How I loved that as a kid. With mayonnaise. And cheese. Shit, I'm off topic again aren't I?  Brain Fart.  Ok, so not Bitches, not beef bologna....how about Bimbos.  Bimbos in Bikinis.  Pretty talented aren't I?  Those southern teachers sure taught me a thing or two.  My parents have always been proud.  Hey, I found some awesome pics of hottie BIMBOS in BIKINIS (looks even better all capped doesn't it?) to share.  Have a look...

Here I am. 20 years ago. Seriously, don't you just love those this?

Can't fool you with this one, I'm not a blonde. But don't you just love this look? All red and ready. Even lipstick to match ya'll!

Now this, I adore! Though I don't think it wise to wear this strutting along the beach. Sorry, got off topic again, this needs to be saved for alphabet letter S for sexys

Bombshell. Another B, thank you Mrs. Godwin my 4th grade teacher. This one's a beauty.  I want that suit, with that body...and that hair, and those lips...

And up to my final B for this game and then I'm gone. Blogs I heart. Yes, my Blogroll baby. I've spent hours, days even, searching really cool blogs for you.  Ready?  OK, let me know which one's are your favorite.  I can't decide, I love them all.


The Cloud Blog - this is all educational people.  Sometimes I stray a bit and like to actually learn about nature and crap

One Martini at a Time - sometimes you just need a drink, ya'll

Cake Wrecks - cakes gone wrong....but I'd eat it

Mommy Has a Headache - this mommy's got the right idea.  She's brilliant