Sweet, delish Honey Pie

Sweet, delish Honey Pie

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Bimbos, brain farts and blogs, oh my

So my day today was errands.  Mom errands.  Errands, and errands. Though I did squeeze in a much needed, relaxing mani/pedi, which was, sorta relaxing, if I had turned off my phone. Four minutes after arriving at the spa I get a ding from one of my kids texting to ask if I had finished off all the Nutella. Me? Silly boy. I don't do Nutella. He texted me back five minutes later, happy as a lark, letting me know he had found it. In my bedroom. Under my pillow.

Ten minutes pass and I'm in my pedi chair, eyes closed, vibrating, chanting my mantra...Nutella, Nutella, Nu....Ding.  Damn cell phone interruptus.  Another text, from another kid that reads - Yo Ma, about the dog....he's in the backyard scooching along on his ass and foaming at the mouth.  Should you be concerned?

Phone OFF.

And then interestingly enough, my nail tech and I got on the subject of Brain Farts, had a good laugh, and that certainly brightened my mood.  Helped me forget about my dog for awhile anyway.

OK so I totally got off the subject of where I was going with this today.  How does that happen?  Anyway, this is gonna be a short quickie.  I love a quickie. They're all not much talk and so impersonal. The perfect boost for anyone's day, really.

OK so I wanna play my end of the blog alphabet game and I just know you do too.  Let's play!

We're up to the letter B.  And as I proudly learned in grammar school, B is for Bitches.  Still so proud of that, thank you to my south Floridan school teachers. However, best to avoid that subject here today as I don't want to throw out any names if you know what I mean (and I do have names all written down on paper, under my pillow).  Moving on.  How about B is for beef bologna.  Cool, yeah, Oscar Myers beef bologna. How I loved that as a kid. With mayonnaise. And cheese. Shit, I'm off topic again aren't I?  Brain Fart.  Ok, so not Bitches, not beef bologna....how about Bimbos.  Bimbos in Bikinis.  Pretty talented aren't I?  Those southern teachers sure taught me a thing or two.  My parents have always been proud.  Hey, I found some awesome pics of hottie BIMBOS in BIKINIS (looks even better all capped doesn't it?) to share.  Have a look...

Here I am. 20 years ago. Seriously, don't you just love those this?

Can't fool you with this one, I'm not a blonde. But don't you just love this look? All red and ready. Even lipstick to match ya'll!

Now this, I adore! Though I don't think it wise to wear this strutting along the beach. Sorry, got off topic again, this needs to be saved for alphabet letter S for sexys

Bombshell. Another B, thank you Mrs. Godwin my 4th grade teacher. This one's a beauty.  I want that suit, with that body...and that hair, and those lips...

And up to my final B for this game and then I'm gone. Blogs I heart. Yes, my Blogroll baby. I've spent hours, days even, searching really cool blogs for you.  Ready?  OK, let me know which one's are your favorite.  I can't decide, I love them all.

The Cloud Blog - this is all educational people.  Sometimes I stray a bit and like to actually learn about nature and crap

One Martini at a Time - sometimes you just need a drink, ya'll

Cake Wrecks - cakes gone wrong....but I'd eat it

Mommy Has a Headache - this mommy's got the right idea.  She's brilliant

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Oh Honey Pie, you are making me crazy

The Honey Pie Dialogues is a wicked, awesome, dank blog for moms, women, dads, men, the nanny, the hair stylist, the lawn guys, the supermarket checker outer...you get my drift.  Even though I'm a faithful, respectful Polish, Hungarian, Brit and a decent Catholic girl at that, this blog, may at times, contain trash adult content, for the adult eyes only.  And, for example, I do tend to drop the F-bomb from time to time (and other choice words) when the mood strikes me.  Just sayin' and giving fair warning ya'll.  This is a HUMOR blog on most days, however some days may be dark, black and lonely. 

So, I'm back.  It's me, Paula, mommy of five, former blogger at What Did You Do All Day (retired), author of Living in a Locker Room and Co-founder of Mamazina magazine.  Yada yada yada.  Where was I hiding you ask?  I took a much needed break (before I broke).  Followed some different paths along the way, all good.  And now, here I am (yep, that's me in my profile pic looking uber excited and all dufus like with my new UCSD sweatshirt from son #1 this Christmas) ready to blog and share my crap  wonderful life with you.  And don't be shy, I do love company and occasional juicy gossip, so share your comments, thoughts and wild fantasies  wonderful life back at me.  

As I mentioned above, I've got five kiddos, four boys and one girl.  As of now they're between the ages of 25 to 11.  Whoa, I'm like, antique. *sobbing*  I know they certainly wouldn't want me to post about them and definitely not any pictures.  So here they are...

This is Tony. He's all 6'3 and so handsome (I'm mom, I can say that), recently moved to La Jolla, California where he attends UCSD for his PhD studying Biomedical Sciences.  Who would have thought this poopy pants, thumb sucking, hair pulling child would a). leave his mama for sunny CA and b). leave his mama for sunny CA and like it.  OK, OK.  Needless to say I'm thrilled for him and very proud.  

Tony and Meg at the San Diego Zoo (Meg's his better half)

Next up, son #2, Nick.  Again I can say it cause I'm the mom.  Nick's 6'3 and gorgeous.  There, I said it.  He's been mistaken for Ashton Kutcher a few times, but who's counting.  He graduated from UCONN, is a workin' man now, lives nearby his mama and visits regularly (like a good boy).  I'm happy.

Nick and Felly celebrate New Years with big hats, Mexican style

Meet son #3 Phillip.  Phillip is the child who looks most like Dad. And that's a good thing.  He's a real cutie and a loving son.  (I'm full of good ones today).  He attends UMASS studying Psychology (which he's super duper at).  His brothers have called him a mama's boy (what?), but he's just simply, Phillip.  I'm proud.

Phillip's birthday (baseball fan and mama's boy....shhhhh)

Son #4 Joseph (Likes to go by Jay.  Where the hell did he come up with that one?).  Jay is very handsome and Jay is extremely talented with music.  All my son's play music and have performed on stage, but Jay, he's a musician (for real ya'll).  Jay is a senior this year and soon to be 18! (I know that can't come fast enough for all of us him).  Meet Jay...

The Music Man (just ask me everyone)

And child #5, a girl!  Anna is a beautiful (inside and out) 5th grader this year.  She adores eating, horses, eating, sings in the school chorus, adores eating and is super talented in the arts.  She's also my shopping buddy.

Red Velvet Cheesecake.  I. Am. In. HEAVEN! (and she ate the whole thing)

Thought I'd throw in a shot of the hubby (the dad of 5)

Here he is on an off day, you know, playing the hunter - of beavers...

...but he normally looks like this most days that I know him. Orvis lover.

OK, OK, I'll throw in some of me if you must ask....

This is me during my big hair years. Yes, it's a perm.

Embarrassing. Even bigger hair. Bigger perm.

Ok, I'm an old cow maturing now.  Me last year with a short do.

Me and my gang this past holiday season. Love these guys, even when NOT smiling. Nick (far left back corner).

And here we are now.  Older, wiser...OLD.  This is such a posed Christmas shot but I suppose it will have to do.

And finally, some random shit (in no order) you probably didn't know about me...or maybe you did so you're going to hear it again.

1. I Crave Bacon from a pig
2. I sometimes like to dress up as Mrs. Claus and do unthinkable things with candy canes
3.I swam in a lake I grew up on as a kid in southern Florida and didn't get gobbled by a gator. Lucky for me (and you) I'm still here
4.I sometimes fart in my sleep...and grind my teeth.  Pfffff, at least I don't snore, yet.  I'm totally musical
5.My dream vacation...Warsaw, Poland and Budapest, Hungary. For real. I plan to keep up on my heritage so maybe I'll see you there!
6.I don't always wipe front to back, but shhhhhh, don't tell anyone
7.I lost my virginity at 17 in the front seat of my boyfriend's mom's 1975 station wagon. Sorry Mom and Dad, but I still love you
8.My all-time favorite movie.  You've Got Mail with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.  What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic....except for the above mentioned about my sex in a station wagon days, and maybe the Mrs Claus stuff too.  I guess that would fit into the Paula the Slut category...
9.I dig the Beatles and their totally awesome 1968 hit Honey Pie from the White Album. I also dig Honey Pie.  Hey, anybody got a good recipe I can borrow?
10.I tinkle on average 6 times within a 24 hour period  


There. I'm done. That's me and I feel so much closer to ya'll.  Now it's your turn. I'd love to hear random shit back from YOU to get this blog going. You know, like how your dog got hit by a truck the other day while you were waiting for the mail delivery and now he walks with a wicked limp.  Or maybe about your uncle Henry's hemorrhoid surgery gone bad.  There could also be a wild tale about your Grammy's love of Tequila shots before dinner, breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, group sex...whatever it is, it's all good. I'm here to listen. Talk to me.

And just ONE more thing.  Promise. Then I'll shut the fuck up.

OK. So I heart playing games.  So each time I write to you, I will end my blog with a random question, thought, comment, quote, photo, etc, etc.  So, wanna play with me?  Squee!  Let the games begin!

We'll start with the letter A in the alphabet...let's see, subject could be Aardvarks, no, to educational. Maybe Adams apples, pfffff, gross, no,... hmmmm, Assholes.....I think not.  How about... ART. Yeah, ART it is.

HoneyPie Thoughts:  Art Photos  (Remember, this is a humor blog people)  Comments, thoughts, your own groovy art/pics?

Me when waking in the morning.  You like?

Me when attempting to shave in the morning.  Some body part angles can be quite interesting if you must know.

Me and my man. "Hey babe, while you're down there..."
I frequently dream I'm a hot bunny who digs music and dances like no one is watching.  That's me.

Then there's this sex fantasy. What does this mean ya'll??